Marriage was the best thing that happened to you. You enjoyed the togetherness, the sharing and having someone special in life. You gave each other priority and always spent maximum time with each other. Your partner was the most important thing in your life and you thought it would continue to remain so. Then, kids happened.
Marriage after kids – when priorities change
Between diaper changing and feeding, erratic sleeping habits and late nights at the office, you suddenly find your relationship has taken the backseat. You no longer chat or watch your favorite show before bedtime, nor do you go out to dinner and a movie every weekend. Even sex may only happen once in a blue moon. You feel sad because this is not what you had planned for your life but feel trapped in the every day do and repeat. How can you get back to the previous life? You have a partner, a baby and maybe even a boss to make happy, a home to keep and the simple thought of it all leaves you exhausted.
Well, you are not alone, this happens to most couples after they have kids. Almost 92% of couples complain that love, sex and everything about relationship goes down the priority list after babies. Would you let your relationship suffer because of the kids or would you do something to get the spark back?
How to get back the spark in your relationship
Let’s admit it. Life is no longer the same after you have kids. So, you perhaps cannot get back the freedom, time and energy that you had before becoming parents. What you need now is a reality check and plan something keeping in mind the kids and the constraints you have in life.
Start with small things – Yes, there are certain things that may be small but go a long way in restoring a relationship. Try to have your morning coffee together so that you can have an early morning chat. In between work, send each other messages and try to remain connected.
Another fantastic idea would be to go for lunch together. Work on your schedules and find some time if possible every week to eat out together. You cannot imagine how much you can share over a coke and a burger. Your relationship would become stronger and you would start enjoying each others company again.
Make time for date nights – having some time to yourself is very important. Ask a friend or a relative to babysit while you can enjoy a nice dinner together. Don’t go for fancy things, choose a nice, cozy restaurant where you can enjoy good food, good wine and talk. It would be a nice idea to visit those places where you used to meet while dating. Get romantic and leave all worries behind at least for a couple hours..
Get intimate, get closer to your spouse – remember marriage is not only about sex. Intimacy plays a huge role in making a relationship strong. No matter how busy you are, find time to kiss your spouse and tell them how much they mean to you. On weekends give each other a massage so that both of you can relax and spend some time together. Cuddle in the bed for a few minutes before falling asleep and sharing your favorite things about that day.
Sex, make it spontaneous, make it passionate and get under the sheets whenever you can. It doesn’t necessarily have to be at night. Kid's nap times are great for sex time.
Dream together – remember how you used to plan your future in the early days of dating? Do the same thing. Indulge in some dream time over coffee on Sunday mornings while the kids watch some TV after breakfast. Plan your holidays and birthday parties. Think 5 years, 10 years down the line and dream about the life you want to build for yourself and your kids.
Do something special for each other – it can be as small as buying flowers, preparing your spouse’s favorite dish or wearing something your spouse gifted you. Make your partner feel special. Let your partner realize that you are very much in love and that you want to fulfill all the dreams you saw together even if some of them may need some adjustment.
Raising kids is not an easy task as every parent would tell you. However, it depends on you whether you would give your marriage the priority it deserves and make it stronger. It takes will and loads of love to do so. Give it a try and see how fulfilling life becomes.
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